We boys can often be found enjoying ourselves under canvass, sleeping under the stars [no, not those kind of stars! ] and getting back to nature, and we don't mean naturalism on the local gay beach.
For most gay men the idea of spending a few days in a field with no en-suite bathroom is a horrifying thought, but some of us like the chance to have a new reason to hang around the bushes - and the fresh air certainly beats the 3am smog in a smoky club.
So, if you want to go down to the woods and share your sleeping bag with a grizzly bear, what are the big surprises , you might have to beat off with a stiff, thick stick? Read on and found out the pros and cons of gay camping for boys.
1. Understand there's more to camping than squeezing yourself into a tight pair of hipsters and making sure the elastic logo of your underpants shows just above the trouser line and just below the crop top you chose to show your abs off to best effect.
2. You will need a tent (they are usually canvas and have ropes and poles which help to put them up).
3. Erecting a tent means putting it up.
4. The bathrooms and toilets are usually across a field.
5. They are communal (which has its good and bad sides).
6. Limit yourself to the basic toiletries: moisturiser, eye cream, lip gloss, five or six hair products, deodorant, toothpaste and brush, only three of your aftershaves – be honest you can manage with just the three.
7. You will be outside in the fresh air for at least one night probably several with no soft bed, no TV, no en-suite bathroom.
8. Even if you are an expert at packing you'll only manage to take a fraction of your wardrobe.
9. It may rain.
10. You can bring anyone you like back without having to deal with hotel reception.
Butch Camping Tips
Dorothy dyke has created the following list of Butch camping tips. Hopefully, you'll be able to survive your next camping adventure with both your ego and your image intact.
1. Refuse To Sleep In A Tent
This tactic will keep you from making a total fool of yourself when you can't pitch your own tent. You'll also look really cool just standing around, sipping a beer, watching your fellow campers slave away. Watch them carefully - as if judging their skills. And they'll think you are.
Refusing to sleep in a tent saves face, but it does create another problem - where do you sleep? The best two options I've seen so far are a) an air mattress in the back of your truck, or b) one of those lounge-style lawn chairs and a blanket. Viola'! Sleeping quarters.
2. Insist That Cooked Food Is For Sissies
Of course, to do this, you'll need to pack your own provisions. Fortunately, your options are endless. You can take beef jerky and shoestring potatoes in a pull-top can. Or you can go a little fancier and stock up on all those outdoorsy foods they sell at your favourite outdoor adventure store - like energy bars, or packets of stew that don't require heating. It's the same stuff the astronauts eat.
3. Designate Yourself Camp Photographer
Being behind the camera, rather than in front of it, prevents anyone from obtaining evidence that you're out of your element. Besides, it's a lot of fun to catch shy people taking river baths!
4. Triple Dog Dare Someone To Start A Fire With Her Eyeglasses
This will take performance pressure off you for a while. Don't forget to chuckle knowingly.
5. Tell Tall Tales
Make sure everyone at your campsite knows what a seasoned camper you are. Tell about the time that 9-foot bear ripped open your tent while you were sleeping and you had to wrestle him to the ground. Or recollect how you once lived on berries and twigs for three weeks in the Outback.
Note: If you've followed butch camping tips 1-5, your fellow campers might be a little annoyed with you. Increase your social value so they don't send you packing.
6. Have The Best Toys
The fanciest compass, the watch that does everything, the 80-purpose pocket knife, GPS systems, portable weather stations. You get the drift. If you're going to be with sports fans, have sports scores and local news sent to your pager or cell phone. You'll be glad you did.
7. Play The Best Music
A battery-operated boom box with a CD player should do the trick. You know which CDs you'll need. (Melissa, The Girls, Ani) If you play guitar, that's even better.
8. Be The Romantic
A couple of good bottles of Merlot and some wine glasses - although it's imperative that you can get them to camp without breaking them! Poetry can't hurt. Maybe some Shakespearean sonnets? Walden is a good bet, too. Or one of Suzie Bright's books could lead to an interesting evening.
9. Take Lots Of Toilet Paper
If you can't tell the difference between poison oak and aloe leaves, you better take some T.P. with you. Sharing extra rolls can smooth down any ruffled feathers.
10. Put Together A First Class First-Aid/Personal Care Kit
Pack plenty of sun block and mosquito repellent. (Bug bites and sunburns can turn just about anybody into a whiner - and you know how unattractive we Butches are when we whine.) Even better - share your triple strength aspirin, solar shower, analgesic creme, or sinus tablets with a woman in need, and it'll endear you to her for the rest of the trip.
And that's it, ladies! Happy Camping!!